The Return of the Ring of the Cash Register

Here, watch these amazing local news videos I found from when Return of the Jedi was released. Both are primarily focused on the marketing and toy sales (because it was the 80’s).  This one features the phrase, “a whole new cluster of little consumers”:

And this one is worth watching if for no other reason than the moment when a kid waves a lightsaber toy at the reporter and threatens to cut his hand off (in the kid’s defense, the guy sucks):


I Can’t Watch a Movie without Tater Tots Anymore


Since I’ve been primarily blathering on about movies lately (as opposed to what I normally do?), I may as well tell you more about my current obsession: Nitehawk Cinema. I often “joke” about how I moved to NYC for the movie theaters, and Nitehawk Cinema was at the top of my incentive list. Unfortunately, I didn’t make it there right away —  it was several months before I managed to get to Williamsburg and check it out firsthand . Not having a job will limit your entertainment options.

Eventually, however, I did get a job, and — no lie — the week I started, I finally took the long-ass ride on the G train to Metropolitan Ave to check out Under the Skin at Nitehawk, and my life hasn’t been the same since. What’s so special about Nitehawk, you ask? Oh, nerds, where to I begin? Unlike your normal (read: terrible) multiplex that offers stale, overpriced popcorn and shitty blockbusters, Nitehawk shows a mix of amazing first run independent movies and well programmed repertory options — usually as weekend midnight and brunch showings.

Yes, “brunch.” That’s one of the other things that makes Nitehawk so unlike your standard (read: awful) movie theater: They serve a full menu of amazing foods — everything from hamburgers to fish tacos — alongside the more standard movie theater fare like popcorn (options include truffle butter and citric salt) and some really tasty sounding chocolate bars that I keep meaning to try. Seriously, the food is so good, I would go there just to get the burger even if there were no movies. Even better, the theater’s ace servers actually come around and bring you your food and drinks during the movie. It sounds like it would be distracting, but it’s not at all: you just write down your order on a scrap of paper, stick it in a holder on the table next to your seat, and before you know it, there’s bread pudding in front of you. Nitehawk’s servers are like goddamn ninjas — they slide up and down the aisle without you even noticing, and they’ll even stand off to the side and wait if it’s a particularly important moment in the movie.

Oh, and I didn’t even mention the best part of this whole experience: alcohol! Nitehawk serves a full selection of draft and canned beers, wine, and liquor (including awesome movie themed drinks like The Driver — Gosling’s Rum and Gosling’s Ginger Beer, natch) that the Server Ninjas will bring to you while you watch Snowpiercer and yell at Chris Evans to look out for that one guy with an ax. Plus there’s a bar in the lobby as well as a proper downstairs bar where you can chill after the movie with a cocktail. Even cooler, Nitehawk actually got the state liquor laws changed. According to their website “Setting a historical precedent, Nitehawk Cinema is single-handedly responsible for the groundbreaking overturn of the prohibition-era New York State liquor law that made serving alcohol in motion picture theaters illegal.

Guys, seriously, this place is ridiculous: I haven’t even talked about their amazing custom preshows. When I saw Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom for brunch over the summer, the preshow was full of old Lucas/Spielberg interview clips, Kenner toy commercials, trailers for Star Wars and Star Trek II…apparently I turned to my friend Roberta at one point and exclaimed, “It’s like we’re inside of my head!” although I don’t really remember this because I was too busy freaking out about some vintage Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade Diet Coke commerical.

Obsessed seems like a strong word, but I also think it’s the most fitting one. I’ve actually been getting twitchy lately because I haven’t been to Nitehawk since August and I’m desperate to go there to see anything. That’s how much I love Nitehawk — I’ll pretty much go and watch whatever the hell they’re playing just for the experience. In fact, fuck this: I’m going there now. I desperately need tater tots.

Enter Title Here

Well, it’s come to this: I started a spreadsheet* last night to keep track of all the repertory movies coming to NYC over the next few months. Which sounds mental, but dudes: there’s so much to see! Brunch screenings of Die Hard and Pretty in Pink! Midnight showings of Batman ReturnsPurple Rain, Gremlins, and Black Christmas! Not to mention Jackie BrownChinatown, and other “Sunshine Noir” movies at BAM, plus Vertigo at Film Forum. And whatever the hell they announce at IFC for November and December, which: better be good, dudes.

Yes, I’ll be broke when all is said and done, but I’m pretty sure this is why I’m here. In Brooklyn, I mean. As to why I’m here on Earth, it’s obviously to bring a little joy into your lives via utterly pointless posts like these.

Now please enjoy the opening credits of Jackie Brown, and then go bother someone else come back tomorrow.

* – Why a spreadsheet and not, say, a Word doc? I’m so glad you asked. A spreadsheet means I can sort or filter by date, theater, title, etc. Excel is so much fun, you guys!

I’ll see myself out.

Hang. Over.

It’s my birthday, nerds, and I’ve got a massive hangover as a present. Which sounds complain-y, but it’s meant with sincerity: I had a blast last night (and this morning) wandering through my neighborhood on a birthday pub crawl with a fun and awesome group of weirdos. We found air hockey. We did shots. I vaguely remember a bartender telling me I had nice cheekbones.

Because I am too hungover to do much of anything at the moment — and because it’s my birthday, and I can do whatever the hell I want — here is a 1980 review/preview of The Empire Strikes Back by Gene Siskel, followed by a 1983 Nightline segment in which Siskel & Ebert defend the Star Wars films against cranky critic John Simon. Consider these my present to you on my birthday.