It’s no secret that I’m something of a word nerd. Part of it may be due to the fact that, because I only really know one language (although my fake French is sexy), I feel like, dammit, I better know that one language pretty well. But I think mostly it’s just because I’m a total dork; some of my favorite emails are the “word of the day” forwards I get from Kate, which are usually followed by an exchange where we use our new word in sentences (“Aaron is known to be an exceptionally argute man.”).

I’m such a word nerd, in fact, that I often find that I need to take it to the next level — that is to say, I make up a lot of words. Longtime readers have come across (and even appropriated) many of these made-up gems for their own personal use, but I’ve never taken a moment to try and catalog them into some sort of list form. Until now.

Of course, me being me, I never write things down, much less remember them. So I had to spend some time combing through the Funky Carter archives this morning, checking tags and using search terms like “new word” or “made up word”. I managed to find a decent amount of fauxcabulary words, so I present to you today the first installment of an ongoing project, The Funky Carter Dictionary.

Note: Some of the words I make up, while amusing, don’t really have any meaning (ex. “snackrifice”, “decrapitate”), so I’ve limited this list to words that have proper definitions, in the hopes that they will enrich your vocabulary.

adorablicious (adjective): someone or something that is both adorable and delicious; cute and sexy (“Jenny Lewis is the most adorablicious woman alive.”)

adorkable (adjective): appearance or behavior that is attractively nerdy (“Wow, the way you obsessively organize your CD collection is adorkable. Let’s make out.”, “Wow, those librarian glasses are adorkable. Let’s make out.”)

crabvertising (noun): a form of advertising which utilizes crabs as spokespeople, or merely as a colorful way of grabbing attention (“Why is Aaron freaking out?” “Oh, he just came across some crabvertising in a magazine.”)

Jennvelope (noun): mail sent to a person named “Jenn” (“Dude, you still haven’t sent out that birthday Jennvelope?”)

nerdvana (noun): a state of bliss reached through nerdly means (“Seeing the new Indiana Jones movie will be like nerdvana for me.”)

punintentional: shorthand for “no pun intended” (“Yeah, the mall santa went crazy and slayed five shoppers. Punintentional.”)

shinjury (noun): an injury to one’s shin (“Did you see what that tool Aaron did? He was swinging his mini golf club around and he gave himself a shinjury.”)

slackadaisical (adjective): a funnier way of saying “lackadaisical” (“Man, this is a pretty slackadaisical attempt at a blog post.”)

snarkasm (noun): sarcasm, but extra snarky (“Man, did you hear the snarkasm in her voice? I think I’m in love.”)

zombiepocalypse (noun): a. apocalyptic circumstances brought about by a global zombie epidemic, b. a word used on Funky Carter more often than any other word

My real goal with all of this is to one day have an entire language of my own. I’m not there yet, but give it time; eventually no one will know what the hell I’m talking about. Except you lot, of course. Anyway, if you want to pay me back for the educational entertainment (or “edutainment”), my humble request is that you drop one of these words into casual conversation today. Then come back and tell me about it.

Yes, I am adorkable. Thank you.