1. First off (a phrase rendered redundant by the number one that preceded it, but please bear with me), I just want to get this out of the way so that you can read comfortably without the specter of my zombie fixation hanging over your head. Feel free to skip to item two; I won’t be offended.
Still here? Good: I like you better than those other losers. As part of our ongoing “Countdown to Diary of the Dead” here on Funky Carter, please enjoy the just-released theatrical poster.
I am giddy with anticipation.
2. Speaking of things I am giddy with anticipation for (incidentally, welcome back, zombie hatahs), we’re just under a week away from the return of Lost. Sadly, only eight episodes of this season’s intended sixteen were completed before the writer’s strike, but those of us who have been waiting with feverish excitement since last May’s mind-blowing flash-forward of a season finale will take pretty much whatever we can get at this point. Plus, that’s eight more hours I get to spend watching Evangeline Lilly. Yes, yes.
Here is a recap of the entire story so far in just eight minutes. It’s quite clever:
3. I have yet to try it yet, but my brother presented me yesterday with a new paradigm in candy insanity: Snickers Charged. Yes, your assumption is correct: It’s a Snickers bar loaded with caffiene — 60 milligrams, to be exact (by comparison, the average 8 oz. soda has between 20 and 40).
I will be sure to report back with my findings.
4. The one or two of you who are actually interested (or who just pretend to care – please know I do appreciate it) are probably wondering where the Funky Carter Winter Mix is. It’s been a long four months since the last one, and I am happy to report that the latest installment is completed and ready to go. I scrapped my plan to gift it to the winners of the December Comment Contest since I know most of them probably will throw it in the trash, so the offer is simple: If you want one, let me know. If not, that works, too. I mostly just make them for my own entertainment, and I realize that the bulk of you could care less. Still, the forthcoming Spring Mix will mark two years that I’ve been compiling these stupid things, so I figure, why stop now?
5. Finally, I’ve been trying my best not to be the annoying about this, so please indulge me for a moment. I am Super Happy to report that future First Lady Mara is finally coming back to the area a week from today – hopefully for good. The five hour phone dates have been fun, mind you, but it will be nice to actually, you know, do stuff together.
By way of celebration, I was thinking of holding another Funky Carter Bowling Tournament. One, because I feel like there must be someone who can beat Mara, but also because it will be fun, and there are some of you who haven’t had the pleasure of meeting her yet. So local peeps, start clearing your schedules, and let me know who’s available when. Expect lots of jokes about balls.
And that, as they say, is that. Enjoy your weekends, nerds.
(I am Aaron and I approved this message.)
First: Lost in high def on a giant screen at my house, dude. Seriously. You are welcome.
Second: Diary of the Dead looks crazy good.
Third: Really, Snickers Charged? That’s almost as bad as the carbonated yogurt marketing ploy.
Fourth: Yay, Mara! And whatever, boo hoo to you, Chris and I did the long distance thing for 8 months, you’ve done it for like, TWO. But again: yay Mara. I’ll pencil bowling into my Google calendar.
that Snickers bar looks like a chocolate covered heart attack…scary.
sorry I have been MIA, I am taking a bit of a sabbatical
1) I wonder what we’re doing for VDay? Yay, zombies!
2) I’ve never seen a single episode of Lost, so I’m “lost” here. Hee hee.
3) Dude, how about the rhino busting through the wrapper? Sweet!
4) FCWM: Yes please!
5) I like how Super Happy is capitalized. It makes me think of a Japanese tv show. And on the bowling, let’s just hope you’re talking “big ball”, since that’s really my forte.
And… NPW: Yay is right! Two months is a long time…way too long.
Mara, I know I don’t know you- so I hate to trash talk you, but lady- you’re going DOWN!!!!!!!!!!! I’m the FC Bowling champ and I intend to keep it that way. I’m sure Ace could link to the pictures. It will be sad if the first time we meet I have to kick your ass, so lets plan for some nice time before the bowling. eh?
Ace- FCWM, you know I’m down for one. Mail it to me. I miss getting mail from you.
Also, for something this monumental- I’d consider watching zombies.
Also also, I’m not even commenting on the snickers w/ caff. BAD AARON, BAD. But, the rhino makes it a little cool in my eyes.
BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!!
ZOMG ZOMBIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ROMERO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I IS EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUNKEH.
We tried to go bowling last night, but it was league night. Am I going to have to travel all the way to New England to go bowling? I guess so.
EK, you can talk smack all you want, cause I will beat you and you will like it. Then I will buy you a drink and we’ll be friends.
Whether it is the December Comment Contest prize or not, I would be happy to receive a Funky Carter winter mix.
Also, that candy bar scares me, even before I noticed the rhino on the wrapper.
Please forgive the mixed verb tenses in that second sentence, by the way. That wasn’t exactly a fine way to demonstrate my qualifications for Grammar Czar, was it?
That rhino’s killing me. Who comes up with that crap?
And why does it bother me that the camera’s screen in the movie poster doesn’t seem to match the scene in front of it?
ME? Me? You’re going to beat me? No. If I start to lose, I will find some way to take you out with a ball (hee hee, ball). And then Aaron will cry and I will laugh. It’s the 50% evil part, I’m sorry you didn’t get the memo.
But then we will have celebratory drinks while you admire my crown. And all will be good.
EK, you crack me up. I would continue, but I know Aaron will be upset if we hijack his comments with our trash talk banter, because really, he wants these to all be about him. I will just say: let the games begin!
Aaron knows it’s all about him. I mean really I am just trying to help him out, when you’re crying at the bowling alley, he’ll be the one there to console you- that’s where my 50% helpful comes in.
Eat that candy bar very slowly. That’s my advice.
I would be interested in a Funky Carter Mix if you promise it will have something more upbeat on it instead of sad mopey music. I’m not a sad mopey music kind of person.
Like you need more caffeine.
Noelle: seriously, happens to me all of the time here too.
When is the FC bowling throw down, I’m interested in sponsoring a player/team.
I am surprisingly looking forward to Diary of the Dead, don’t take that the wrong way. I mean, I’m not easily scared but I look forward to this one anyhow.
I think that last time I bowled with the FC team, I fell. On my butt. No, maybe I smacked my leg with the bowling ball. Or was that Ace? Seriously, Emma was better than me even though Beej couldn’t hold the ramp.
Skip the bowling, write EK’s name on the crown and go right to the drink.
Although, it would be fun to see someone beat EK. Fij – let’s go and get popcorn and watch from the balcony (no need for nasty shoes there…lol)
NPW: Carbonated yogurt? For serious?
Jenn: My heart survived the experience.
Mara: After this, you’ll want to watch zombie movies every Valentine’s Day, my dear.
EK: I don’t want to sound biased here, but let me just point out that Mara owns her own bowling ball.
Poppy: Excited?
Noelle: Yes, come to New England. The bowling is better here.
Stefanie: Don’t be scared of the candy. It’s happy candy.
Mickey: Yeah, I noticed that, too, but then immediately went back to being excited about the zombies.
Rebekah: I wolfed it down and nothing much happened, I’m afraid. I thought I would see God or something.
Tara: Just so you’re not disappointed, let me point out that the only one of Romero’s zombie movies that’s actually scary-scary is Night of the Living Dead. The rest are more gory action/dark comedy/social commentary/satire.
Sobe: Yeah, I seem to remember some sort of injury.
I hate little balls. I grew up with big ones. Big balls is what I know.
I feel like my manhood is being subtly dissed.