Dear Jon,

Do you get that joke a lot? You know, like a “Dear John”…never mind. Hey, listen: WTF, dude?

No, no, I don’t have a problem with the show. Show’s still hilarious. And I was delighted to tune in for a new episode Monday night, an episode which began with a wonderful Sarah Palin bit. All of a sudden, three quarters of the way through, well, let’s roll the clip:

Word to the wise, my man: you may want to add “crabs” to the tags on that one. Come on!

Little piece of advice: Crabs are never, ever funny. Well, no, okay, the sexually transmitted variety can be hilarious but — hey, don’t change the subject! Crustaceans are — say it with me now — EVIL. Ugly, scuttling little creatures who serve no purpose on this planet but to feed the gross and give me nightmares.

Yeah, you heard me: nightmares. Ugly crabs are the last thing I need to see before going to bed at night, and I had to go online and do a Google image search for “great dane puppies” so as not to have a horrible, restless sleep full of nightmarish claw-based imagery.

Gentle giants, they call them, Jon. Let’s see more of that, less of the sideways-walking-freaks.

Much love,
Aaron

* – Come on!