You know, I was feeling kinda nostalgia-y. I was going to dive right in here and write the first Funky Carter Friday Randomness post in like, forever. And then out of curiosity, I thought I’d do a quick archive search and see when I wrote the last one. It was forever ago, but that’s not even the point: it was kinda terrible. And as I scrolled back and read older ones, I found to my utter dismay that there was most definitely a trend: they were all terrible. (On the plus side, though, I’d forgotten about these cookies until I reread a post from 2008. I may have to look for some at the grocery store today.)
So anyway, point being: eff Friday Randomness. Who’s to say I can’t just be stupid random anyway? Like here’s something random: my car was assaulted by a goddamn tire Tuesday night. (NB: Please forgive all the profanity and colons that have appeared in the past paragraph-and-a-half; I’ll try harder next paragraph.) Yes, a Rogue Tire. It all happened so fast that I can’t say what happened with any degree of certainty, but as near as I can tell, the spare tire fell off the back of the stupid van in front of me and bounced up onto my hood, denting it in the process, and more importantly, scaring the ever-loving Christmas out of me. So now my car with the hood that won’t close properly is in the stupid shop, and I’m saddled with some blue Chevy something or other. Which, frighteningly enough, I already like better than my useless Ford Focus. (And so we’re clear: my first car was a Chevy, and it was not quality.)
“Now Aaron,” I hear you say, “Hold up. It’s not the Focus’s fault that it was attacked by a Rogue Tire.” And this, blog reader, is true. But there have already been a litany of stupid problems with this jive-ride, and what’s worse, I was already planning to take the Focus in to have other uncool noises and such looked at before the whole stupid assault on I-495. Blaming my Focus for other people’s stupidity is probably not fair, but you know what? I am never buying another Ford. Hold me to those words — note the date and time; write it in your diary. (I just spent fifteen minutes trying to find the YouTube clip that goes with that last bit, but the only one I could find was in Spanish. If you’ve seen Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me, you know what I was going for. You know who you are.*)
It’s not all doom and gloom here in the Funky Carter Offices, though, nerds, lest I be accused of being a “whiner” or a “bore”. I recognize what a lucky dude I am. Besides: long weekend. I plan to eat a lot of tacos and blast the new Jamie Lidell album repeatedly. Life is good, freaks.
* – Although this is by far the best scene.