Category Archives: Cinema

Spooky Finish Line!!

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We did it, nerds! Or I did it, anyway. Another Shocktoberfest in the books. I can’t say these are the 31 best posts I’ve ever written, but whatever. Oh, and I totally failed on my attempt to watch all the Halloween sequels (by which I mean I watched one of them), but there’s always next year, right?

Anyway, I’d love to stay and chat about my success (or relative failure), but I’ve got an all night horror movie marathon to attend at my favorite movie theater. The good news is, though, I plan to keep posting for the rest of the year. I know! Mind you, I’m not talking about posting every single day, but dudes, there’s a new Bond movie AND a new Star Wars movie we’ll need to discuss. Hell, I’ll probably post every day in December, but we’ll get there. Either way, I’ll talk to you dudes this week. Happy Halloween! Stay scared!

Allow It

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Nerds, did you know that we are just 51 days away from The Force Awakens? Give or take a day, math is not my strong suit. Said the accounting major.

Dudes, I ask because, if you haven’t already seen it, you need to check out Attack the Block. It’s a tragically underseen British sleeper from 2011 that features action, comedy, horror, aliens, council estates, Nick Frost, and John Boyega, who is about to become a mega star thanks to his upcoming role in a small drama involving lightsabers. Also because of his readily apparent talent and charisma.

See it ASAP, nerds. Not only is it a great choice for a not-to-scary Halloween movie, it will make you that much more excited for The Force Awakens knowing that we are not in store for another Hayden Christensen situation. (Which, no offense to Hayden Christensen, who was great in Shattered Glass, and was forced to deliver dialogue like, “I don’t like sand.” But still.)

A Nightmare on My Street

Okay, yes, I have not done so hot on my plans to watch and write about horror movies this month. I still want to give you some more Halloween horror movie themed posts before time runs out on Shocktoberfest 2015, so why don’t I pick a series that I’ve seen every installment of, and try to rank them?

Well, since I can’t hear your response, let’s just assume it was affirmative and move on to Funky Carter’s Definitive Ranking of All Seven Proper* Nightmare on Elm Street Movies. Worst to first:

7. Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare: Okay, in all honesty, I don’t remember this one very well at all, outside of the fact that it was boring as fuck. Oh, and Roseanne and Tom Arnold are in it.

6. A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child: Wait, what? I don’t remember this one either. Let me Wikipedia this shit…oh, okay, sure, I remember now. It sucks.

5. A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge: We’ve discussed this before.

4. A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master: Features the Fat Boys classic “Are You Ready for Freddy?”

3. A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors: Is a movie that I’ve seen.

2. A Nightmare on Elm Street: Is actually a fucking great, terrifying classic. But — surprise! — it’s not my favorite. My personal favorite is…

1. Wes Craven’s New Nightmare: A brilliantly meta horror movie deconstruction that preceded Scream by two years (and actually came out the same weekend as Pulp Fiction, which must be why the two movies are linked in my head). Do see it, if you haven’t already

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m supposed to be watching some other stupid sequels.

* – No, Freddy vs. Jason does not count.

This Is Heavy

Greetings from the future nerds! It’s October 21st 2015, which means we have now officially lapped Marty McFly. The future is now, bitches, and while we may not have self tying laces or Loopers, we do live in a time where I can summon a car from my phone. And I can take that car and go see Back to the Future Part II at a movie theater where they will bring beer and candy bars to my seat. If that’s not progress, I don’t know what is.

  
So welcome to the future, Marty, Doc, and fourteen year old Aaron! Enjoy our pocket computers, video on demand, and misplaced 80s nostalgia.