So I mentioned yesterday that I’ve been growing facial hair. It’s a thing I do now. While this may sound unremarkable to those of you unversed in the confusing (and often exhausting) Ways That I Am, let me assure you: this is a big step for me.
To clarify a couple of points: I’m not growing a mustache. This is not my misguided attempt to try and fit in with the Williamsburg hipsters who are fifteen years younger than me (and besides, Williamsburg is such a pain in the ass to get to, although apparently it’s where all the good dancing is). I’ve expounded on my mustache fascination at great length before, so there’s no need to rehash. Also, to be clear, I have not yet grown what would be considered a proper “beard”. But here’s what matters, nerds: I’ve been getting all hairy in my face, and I like it.
I’ve always hated facial hair. On my own face, anyway. It’s always felt weird, itchy, and unkempt. I like to “keep it clean” and not cover up my handsome cheekbones and one cute dimple. Consequently, until this past month, I’d never gone more than four days without shaving. A friend once bet me that I couldn’t go a week without shaving, and guess what? He won that bet; I freaked out and shaved pretty quickly.
Now, at the risk of sounding defensive, the issue is not that I can’t grow a beard. Quite the opposite! My face hairs are fierce and manly, and they grow in fast. This has always been my curse. A few weeks ago, however, it turned into a lucrative blessing, when I drunkenly agreed to a beard growing contest. They whys and hows of what prompted this are lost (because of the drinking), but before I knew it, I was hirsute, handsome, and desperate to win $40. It turns out this was the motivation I’d needed all along, because I managed to keep my face stubble for six whole days, and in the end, I won the $40 like a goddamn champion. Not only did my beard win in volume and aesthetics, it turns out it “sparkles”, which was the deciding factor. Mind you, the sparkle comes from all the grey hairs, but who cares? Basically, my facial hair is magical.
Anyway, this bet was the turning point for me. I’m getting lazier and lazier about shaving now, and why not? I look sexy when I’m beardy. Or that’s my story anyway. This past week I went eight days without shaving and didn’t even realize it (or at the very least, didn’t fixate on it). I’m saving money on razor blades, changing my outlook on the world, and providing myself with free blog topics. There’s really no downside here.
NB: Next time I’ll take pictures. Which at this rate should be, oh, sometime this weekend.